In a city full of so many people, why is dating in NYC so hard? While many believe that dating comes easy to good-looking and successful people, dating is more about skill than luck. Successful results in dating happen by knowing what to do and when.
As a dating coach in New York City for the past 14 years, I've helped several people successfully date with just a few simple changes. Here are 10 proven tips to help you become a more successful dater in NYC.
» Want to meet your perfect match? Check out our top 10 picks for the best dating sites and apps.
1. Date Outside of Your Type
NYC is one of the most demographically diverse cities in the US. So, be open-minded and date people outside your race or different from what you're used to. Not only could it give you more opportunities, but it could also teach you about yourself.
Many of my clients felt lost in finding a date in NYC, so I encouraged them to download a dating app and experiment with different types to increase their confidence and improve their experiences.
» Ready to try something new? Try these interracial dating tips.
2. Strike Up Conversation Regularly
Most people enjoy talking about themselves. And the easiest way to initiate a conversation with a stranger is to compliment or ask them a question.
Many of my coaching clients have improved their conversation skills by chatting up people in the service industry, like baristas or servers. These individuals are paid to be kind, so they’re the perfect people to practice with.
3. Don’t Rush the Connection
According to Psychology professor Dr. Wendy Walsh, "trading sex for love never works," and practicing “slow love” instead is a much better bet. Since women outnumber men in NYC, dating can sometimes feel like a rat race.
When the physical part of a relationship is rushed, we end up confusing the lust for a connection. So, rather, make time for an emotional connection before sleeping with someone on the first date.
4. Be Warm and Approachable
According to Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy, the top two criteria people judge others on are warmth and competence.
Since many New Yorkers tend to give off a cold and unfriendly vibe, you should make eye contact and smile more. This will help you seem more approachable than most.
5. Search Outside of Manhattan
While Manhattan is one of the more coveted boroughs, you should still look outside of the city (and state).
When I worked as a matchmaker, many of the successful couples I set up were people that lived in different locations. Just because something isn’t convenient doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.
6. Join a Group
One of my male clients gave up on dating in bars and joined a meditation group—where he eventually met his current girlfriend!
I believe the best way to meet like-minded people is to join a hobby or volunteer group. You could consider joining book clubs, wine-tasting groups, and hiking clubs.
7. Design a Likable Online Dating Profile
Most clients I’ve worked with online dating success used a profile that reflected their authentic self rather than their ideal self. This made their dating profile stand out while helping them to avoid the NYC hookup culture and find a long-term partner.
No one likes to interact with a profile that doesn’t match the person behind it, so avoid using heavily filtered or misrepresentative photos. If you fall victim to this, try these tips for dealing with misleading online dating pics.
8. Read Online Dating Profiles Like a Detective
Profiles are filled with clues that tell you something about someone. By looking for clues—such as “Does this person look happy?"—it gets easier to read someone.
I often tell female clients this: If you’re looking for marriage and kids, then a guy with alcohol in every photo doesn’t exactly give off a “ready for a family” vibe. Look out for signs like this to avoid a first-date disaster.
9. Be the Host for Get-Togethers
There's no limit to activities to do in NYC. So stop waiting for invitations from others and instead be the person to make a social plan. It can be as simple as having a few people over to watch the game or making a reservation at a restaurant.
This tip was the perfect icebreaker for many of my shy dating clients. Start small with just one person and then add more people as you build confidence.
10. Get Set Up by Mutual Friends
Being set up by someone we know can expose us to people in different circles that we wouldn’t have otherwise met.
If you've not yet overcome social anxiety when online dating, try a different trusted route and get set up by a mutual friend. My neighbor actually did this and has been married for over 10 years now!
Combine Skill With Good Judgment
Dating in the Big Apple doesn’t have to be tough. So, use these skills to create a connection while avoiding unkind or inconsistent people along the way.
» Ready to meet your next date? Try eharmony or EliteSingles.
