Asexuality is a sexual orientation where you don't feel physical attraction towards others. Instead, asexual people (aces) may prioritize emotional intimacy over sex. However, this requires open communication, especially for partners who aren't aces.
As an expert online dating coach specializing in mixed-orientation relationships, I know dating an ace can be challenging if you're used to sexual intimacy. Today, I'll offer insights on connecting with an asexual partner and where you can find them online.
» Check out our top picks for the best gay dating sites for LGBTQ+ people.
Where to Find and Date Aces Online
The best way to find asexual people online is through dating apps and websites that let you designate your sexuality beyond just "male" and "female." These places let you be specific about who you are and what you want.
For example, OkCupid has a sexual orientation option where you can designate your asexuality. Match also lets you create a detailed dating profile to attract compatible people according to your preferences.
» Take inspiration from these online dating profiles to copy and paste.
Dating an Asexual Partner
Educate Yourself If You Aren't Asexual
When your partner is asexual, and you aren't, you should educate yourself on what this sexual orientation means. Here are three key facts to know about this sexual orientation:
- Asexuality exists on a spectrum: Some aces experience occasional sexual attraction (graysexuality) or only after emotional bonding (demisexuality).
- Aces don't feel sexual attraction: Asexuality isn't a reflection of someone's capacity for love and doesn't equate to celibacy, abstinence, or low libido.
- Asexual people also desire emotional connections: This means aces may still want romance and have other needs, even if it's not about sex.
Keep an Open Mind
Asexuality isn't the same for everyone. People and relationships also change over time, and everyone has different needs, so it's crucial to be patient to avoid frustration. You can even opt for personalized relationship coaching through an app like Tawkify. to help you navigate the nuances of asexual dating.
The best thing you can do for your partner is to respect their boundaries and identity rather than viewing asexuality as something to "fix."
Encourage Clear Communication and Boundaries
You must keep talking openly about what you both want and are comfortable with. Establishing clear boundaries can help foster safety, comfort, and effective communication within the relationship. Patience is also crucial, as frustration over sexual incompatibility can strain the relationship.
Like in conventional dating, the focus should be on compatibility without trying to change each other. Clear communication is essential, as it helps both parties understand and support each other. While sexual intimacy is usually an important part of conventional relationships, it doesn't have to define it.
Tips for Being Intimate With an Asexual Partner
Physical touch can foster closeness and bonding in relationships. However, it's important to have a conversation with your partner to understand their comfort level. Many asexual people enjoy affectionate but non-sexual touch, like hugging, holding hands, and cuddling.
Check in with your partner frequently for feedback and be prepared to stop immediately if they get uncomfortable. Pay attention to body language as well—the goal is to have a soothing experience and not push boundaries.
Advice for Dating Someone Who's Also Asexual
Meeting and dating another asexual person on an app like Hinge can be a wonderful experience since you both understand the complex topic of sexual expectations. You and your partner can progress the relationship at whatever pace feels most natural and comfortable.
However, since there's such diversity within the asexuality spectrum, it's still ideal to openly discuss your attitudes towards romance and intimacy. For example, discuss whether you desire a romantic relationship, what kinds of romantic gestures you do and don't feel comfortable with, and boundaries around physical intimacy.
» Learn how attachment styles affect your relationship.
Asexual Dating: Ace Your Love Life
Dating an asexual person presents an opportunity to form meaningful intimacy that transcends the physical. Mutual understanding can make online dating on apps like Zoosk more inclusive for people of all sexual orientations.
Mixed-orientation relationships can thrive with mutual understanding, respect, and open communication. If you're dating an ace, remember to practice empathy and acceptance and support asexual visibility efforts.
» Make sure to practice these safety tips for LGBTQ+ online dating.
