Pretty much everyone who's tried online dating sites will, at some point, reject another person or even face rejection themselves. This can stop many from putting themselves out there; they take rejection personally and don't want to risk it. This is why modern dating is so hard. That's where I come in. Drawing on my experience as a dating coach and sex therapist, I'm here to offer some effective strategies for letting someone down gently.
Rejection Over Dating Apps
Polite rejection on dating apps requires honesty, kindness, and clarity. It's best to be direct and let the other person know you're not interested in pursuing things further.
It's not possible to keep everyone happy. Research in online dating patterns found that people who are more sensitive to rejection are likelier to use online dating sites. So, no matter how you phrase a rejection message, someone might end up hurt. Just know this is a natural part of dating, and try not to take anything personally.
Some dating apps have features that help you politely reject someone. For example, Match and Stir have detailed dating profiles that often highlight fundamental incompatibilities, making it easier for you to say why you aren't a good fit.
Is It Okay to Reject Someone Over Text?
Rejecting someone with a text is okay if you don't know them well. A simple, kind message that you're not feeling a romantic connection is better than not saying anything. Be honest and to the point—telling them early makes it easier for them to understand and move on.
However, only about 14% of people find text breakups acceptable if you're in a serious relationship. If you've been with someone for a while, talking face-to-face is better. This shows respect and lets you explain why you're ending the relationship more clearly.
If you think you might want to get back together in the future, it's best not to mention this right away so as not to lead them on. Wait until you're sure you want to start dating again before reaching out.
Examples of Kind Breakup Rejections
The way we break up with someone can leave a lasting impression, sometimes more so than the relationship itself. It's crucial to approach rejection with a blend of honesty and kindness—especially if the person hasn't wronged you.
The goal is to acknowledge the good in them before gently explaining that you don't see a future together.
Here are some examples to reject someone nicely over text:
Politely Rejecting a First Date Request
- "Hey, you seem really nice, but I don't feel a romantic connection. Best of luck!"
- "I enjoyed chatting, but I don't think we're a great match. I wish you all the best."
- "I don't think we have enough in common for a date, but I appreciate you asking!"
Warm Rejection After One Date
- "Thanks again for the fun evening. I don't think there's a long-term connection here, but I appreciate you taking the time to meet up."
- "You seem like a wonderful person, but I'm not feeling enough chemistry for a second date."
- "I had a great time getting to know you, but I don't see this going in a romantic direction. You're really [positive quality], and I hope you find someone amazing!"
A Kind Let-Down After Short-Term Texting
- "I've enjoyed our conversations, but I don't realistically see this going anywhere. Thanks for understanding."
- "Hey! I'm not sure if there's a spark here for me. Thanks for the chats, and best of luck."
- "It feels like we're on different romantic wavelengths, and that's okay! Wishing you well."
Rejecting a Casual Partner Gently
- "I want to be honest—I'm not looking for anything casual anymore. It's been fun, but I think it's best we go our separate ways."
- "I've had fun with you, but I'm realizing I'm looking for something different. Thanks for understanding."
- "While I've enjoyed spending time with you, I don't think we're quite a match for anything beyond something casual."
Can You Reject Someone Without Talking To Them?
Ghosting, or ignoring someone you're no longer interested in, is generally not the best way to handle a breakup.
Yet, if you've been on a date and neither of you has reached out afterward, it's likely unnecessary to formally reject them. Chances are, you both understand and agree on not pursuing things further.
Create Good Dating Karma
Learning to kindly reject someone is essential for your own peace of mind, the well-being of others, and for cultivating a positive atmosphere in online dating spaces. Remember, every dating site hosts a diverse range of personalities, which can sometimes make navigating the dating scene challenging for everyone.
By being kind and polite to everyone you meet on dating apps, you're helping to spread positive vibes. This improves the experience for you and encourages everyone to adopt a more considerate approach toward each other.
