Often, the LGBTQ community is stigmatized on the more traditional dating sites, and even the ones that cater exclusively to lesbians frequently come up with duds. How annoying is it to be searching for love, find a potential match, only to find that she's not really lesbian and only bi-curious or something like that?
Lesbians looking for love, laughs, and long-term commitment definitely have it rougher than most, but the online dating scene is making things easier than ever before for this special niche. With dedicated sites catering to lesbians and more mainstream dating sites opening up their features and services to better meet this demand, gay singles are finally starting to see success. In fact, today, more same-sex singles are using dating apps than straight singles.
Of course, there’s always one thing blocking your road to success on lesbian dating sites: getting the conversation going. Many of us are like a deer in the headlights when it comes to striking up a conversation with a stranger, especially when it comes to a sexual prospect. The generic ice breakers provided by most dating sites are helpful tools to get the ball rolling. But if you want to be a little more original, here are 8 pointed questions that are sure to get you a response (and start a more involved conversation too).
Question #1: You’ve got the cash, the friend, and the fuel to go anywhere in the world you want. Where to?
Why this works: People love to travel, and fantasy travel is a huge pull for almost anyone. So, naturally, kicking off a conversation with this question will lead to dreamy-eyed responses about long-time desires to visit distant lands. Whatever the answer is isn’t important; you’ve definitely hooked her in for a long convo with this question.
Question #2: I see that glint in your eye! What’s the worst crime you’ve ever committed?
Why this works: Everyone has a dirty little secret, and deep down inside, we also want to share it with someone. Starting off the conversation with this question shows 2 things:
- You're ok with whatever sneaky misdemeanor your potential match has transgressed. No judgment. We're both going to laugh about this one.
- You’re interested in hearing about her and her life experiences. We’ll cover this in more detail with one of the questions below, but suffice it to say, that’s a golden rule in dating.
Question #3: Wanna play a game?
Why this works: First of all, who doesn’t love playing games? Games are fun, frivolous, and fanciful. And when you’re playing a game with a stranger online, you don’t have anything to lose. So, why not? Women will generally take this open invitation for fun as a means of getting to know someone better and have a good time while doing it. Plus, this question shows her that you have a fun side too.
Question #4: Happiness is…
Why this works: An open-ended question (more on that below too), asking someone to define what happiness means to them is a surefire way to get them to start spilling their guts. And why not? We all want to be happy. If you’re asking what defines my happiness, the psychological next step is that you are going to try and create those conditions to make me happy. So, people are usually only too happy to answer this one.
Question #5: What was the last crazy or truly spontaneous thing you did?
Why this works: Another fun one! This shows your fun, wild, and crazy side from the start. It tells your lesbian love potential that you want to hear all about her strange, fun, and free-spirited activities. Once again, showing interest and having fun at the same time. Double points.
Question #6: What is the best way to spend a 3-day weekend?
Why this works: Oooooh. Now, we are fantasizing again. “Well, ideally on a 3-day weekend I’ll kick things off with a mocha latte, then a good book by the pool, followed by the best lunch from my fave restaurant, and then, of course, going shopping…” You've just plunged her into her favorite scenario, and you can bet all those feel-good endorphins you've released so passively will project you in a great light in her eyes.
Question #7: What’s your favorite Fast & Furious movie?
Ok, it doesn’t have to be specifically this question. The main idea is to ask a specific and strange question about pop culture. What’s your favorite scene from…? How do you feel about X’s final season? Do you really think So and So pulled off that “Fill in Fashion Bomb” at the awards show? What is your favorite movie of all time? All of these are suitable for this topic.
Not a fan of pop culture? Try politics. Or Hollywood stars. Or award-winning novels. Or whatever culture or art reference you relate to. The idea is just to make it a cultural reference that most people will have an opinion about.
Why this works: This line of questioning works for a lot of reasons. First of all, it’s a really easy way to see if you have similar interests. If she responds, I don’t have a favorite Fast & Furious movie, I think racing car movies are stupid, you know right away that she’s probably not a good match for you.
For another thing, most people have something to say about pop culture. After all, that’s why it’s called POP culture. People are interested in talking about these topics. So, chances are she’ll have an opinion to share too. Finally, this line of questioning generally gets a fun back-and-forth convo going, so you can extend your initial icebreaker into an actual give and take conversation. Score!
Question #8: Sorry to bother you, but could I get (fill in pet’s name from user’s profile) phone number?
Why this works: Again, a few reasons. For one thing, it's lighthearted and will probably make her laugh. If you're complimenting her pet, you're taking the focus off of her. So instead of awkwardly saying, "Hey, you're hot, let's grab some drinks.", you're shifting the focus onto a pooch or a kitten or whatever. Also, animal people are really into their pets. So, when you show interest in them, you automatically score big points in their eyes.
General Conversation Starter Tips That are Golden
These questions might not have sparked your interest specifically, but not to worry. You don’t have to use these exact queries. Instead, focus on the concepts behind them. Here are a few tips that are guaranteed to get your queer questionable chatting away:
Start with something funny
Humor is a guaranteed way to break the ice and make people feel instantly more comfortable. So, you could ask a question about something that brings up a light-hearted past faux pas (ex. when was the last time you gave yourself a wild haircut and immediately regretted it?), phrase your question so that she laughs out loud, or use a funny pic. In fact, daters who use GIFs get 30% more responses and have conversations that last longer. This is because these whimsical photos elicit an emotional response, and that endorphin reaction we spoke about earlier is worth its weight in gold. GIFs also grab her attention, a good thing.
Open-ended questions
Open-ended questions make it easy for people to respond. It’s like humming the first half of a line to a song. You automatically want to finish it. So, draw her in using an open-ended question. If you want, you can even give choices, but it’s not a must.
Talk about cravings
Remember those questions that mentioned fantasies? Well, it’s proven that people are 41% more likely to respond when you get their imaginations churning out dream scenarios. This could be foods they love, places they want to visit, or dreams they want to fulfill. The sky’s the limit!
Personalize questions
As promised, let’s talk a minute about asking questions about the person themselves. Bottom line, people love talking about themselves. It’s a time-honored trick for getting people to talk, even to strangers. Chances are, if you ask a personalized question about her, she’ll naturally respond in kind. Scope out her profile and photos to glean ideas on how to personalize the question. For example, if you notice her boxing in a few pics, you might ask something like “So are you going to wipe the floor with me on our first round in the ring?”
Finally, use first names, message in the evenings, and for goodness sake, check your spelling! These are tips to live by.
Lesbian Dating is Easier (& More Fun) Than You Think
Offering a sense of safety and community, LGBTQ dating sites provide people with a forum where they can find love and meaningful relationships without judgment, stigmas, and annoying curiosity seekers. Check out some of the best lesbian dating sites online and put in to practice these thought-provoking questions.
